Four years down, a lifetime of happiness to go!

So my anniversary post is a little late. Our actual anniversary is the 16th and I sat down to blog about it, but then Hudson cried all the time while switching reflux meds, guests came to visit and at some point I had to take a shower. Now I have a baby who is sleeping in a swing and two free hands to type so I can finally write my love letter to my amazing husband. This last year of marriage had our highest point so far (the birth of Hudson) but it also had the hardest and lowest point of marriage so far, the loss of our first pregnancy. It's amazing how much life can change in a year.

I sat down many times last year to try and blog about the misscarriage. I thought it would be therapeutic to sit down and journal it, but the words just never seemed to come to me. I don't know if there is a way to really convey how you go from such joy to such sadness in a matter of minutes. I couldn't describe how it felt the day we went into our ultrasound and held our breathe as the tech tried to find the heartbeat we had heard just a week before. I couldn't write how it felt to get our families to spend Christmas together and surprise them with our pregnancy only to call them a week later and say there would be no grandbaby in August. I couldn't explain the pain, both physically and emotionally, the night we had to go to ER and how unprepared our OB had made us for what happens when you actually lose your baby. But probably the hardest part about it was telling people who didn't even know you're pregnant that you had a miscarriage. Really the blog post would be "This sucks and I cry a lot."

You are probably wondering why I would start an anniversary post with this sad story, it's because even though it was the hardest thing I have experienced, it truly solidified why I married Todd. The amount of love and support he gave me during those weeks of anguish were amazing. I don't know if I could have recovered if I didn't have him in my life. The nights that I would lay in bed and cry, he held me and told me every thing would be ok. The moments when I felt betrayed by my body because it didn't bring a baby full term, he told me over and over again how it wasn't my fault. When we talked about trying again, he only wanted to make sure I was ready. Even though he had lost a child as well, all of his energy went into making sure I was ok. When we got pregnant again and I was so stressed during those first 12 weeks, he listened to my paranoia without rollng his eyes. He was my rock. 

I think when it comes to marraige, everyone gages what their relationship is like based on all the good times, when it's really the tough times that count. How do you treat each other in times of crisis? When we lost our baby we both were heartbroken, but we came together to heal. We found comfort and solace in one anonther. Our marriage is 90% easy breezey, 10% tough times and I never want it to be 100% perfect because it's during that 10% that we grow and on the other side of it become better together.

So Todd, thank you so much for this life and adventure you have given me.

You made me your girlfriend...

Your fiance...

Your wife...

Your best friend...

and the best role of my life so far, you made me the mother of your child.

I love you and cheers to lifetime more of happiness and love.

-Mrs. J

Remembering…

Well if you haven’t noticed, I have been a little MIA on the blog for a while…Okay, for a long time. I guess I haven’t really wanted to write about what has been going on because it wasn’t that great.

Over the July 4^th weekend our little Scioscia lost her battle with Feline Leukemia and moved on to a better place with the assistance of our vet. It was hard for us…really hard… like I still cry now thinking about it hard, but we both feel at peace with the choice we made. She never was in pain but her quality of life had just deteriorated to a point that it was just not worth making her stay around and fight, because she would have.

It was so peaceful and we stayed with her the entire time. If you ever have to make the choice of putting a pet down, stay with them. My family did this with out beloved dog of 12 years, Emma, and now with our little Scioscia. I held her the entire time and told her that we loved her, that God had a strong body waiting for her and that we would see her again. The vet prepared us for some of the biological things that can happen with death, but Scioscia just laid her head down and fell asleep in seconds. I think when you prepare your pet and tell them that you will be ok, they are able to let go of their physical body. Their loyalty is a hard thing to break.

We buried her in her favorite place in the backyard, between the two queen palm trees in the corner. It is nice to have a place to look at and remember her. I feel in my heart that there is life after death and there is no doubt in my mind that even little animals get to go there after their time on this earth. I remember after finding out that Scioscia was sick God telling me “The reason I gave Scioscia to you was because I wanted to her to have as much love as possible during her short time on this earth.” I will never forget hearing those words and I am pretty sure that if God wanted Todd and me to love the heck out of Scioscia, we did a good job.

I think anytime you lose a pet, a friend or a family member it makes you question what comes after this earth life. Everyone once in a while I still have a panicked moment of “what if I never get to see her again?” but then something comes over me, something calm and reassuring. It fills me with warmth and lets me know that our brief time on this earth is not all there is.

When Scioscia died, I think she let both Todd and I know that she had moved on in a way that would speak loudly to us.

For Todd it was with the Angels winning their game the day she died. Not only did the Angels win, but their game was televised, something that rarely happens in Arizona. He told me that night he was sure it was Scioscia telling him she was alright now.

I had found some comfort in a poem called Rainbow Bridge:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... 

The afternoon after Scioscia died I was spending time with my sisters when my sister Laura called me outside and pointed to the sky. There, for just a brief few minutes, the most incredible full rainbow filled the sky. All I could say was “she is telling me that she is in heaven.”

To our wonderful Scioscia,

You will never be forgotten. Your time on this earth was so brief but you filled our life with such joy. If we had the choice to do it all again, even knowing the grief we would feel, we would do it in a heartbeat. Thank you for loving us so unconditionally.

We love you,

-Todd and Heidi

May 6...

If you are my friend on Facebook you probably have a little bit of an idea why May 6^th has been one of the worst days of my life to date. It was one of the most emotional draining days I have ever had and all I can say is good riddance it is in the past.

Friday was a little bit of a busy day for House of Jaramillo. Todd was scheduled to have his second go at shoulder surgery to repair a torn labrum and a rotator cuff.  He decided since we both would be home for a three-day weekend, it would be the perfect day to schedule Scioscia’s teeth cleaning at the bet.

The day started out normal; I dropped Todd off and then ran home, picked up Scioscia and took her to the vet. After spending a little time with Todd in pre-op I gave him a kiss and settled down in the waiting room.  About 45 minutes after leaving Todd, the vet called me and said Scioscia had lost about a pound and she was a little worried about the weight loss. She said she wanted to check Scioscia for Feline Leukemia. At first I hesitated, I hadn’t noticed anything strange about Scioscia’s behavior and thought the vet was just trying to get some extra money. I even had her ask another tech that had seen Scioscia before if she thought she looked too skinny. Scioscia regularly fluctuates between 4 and 5 pounds when we take her to the vet.  Even though the tech didn’t notice too much of a difference, the vet was still convinced something wasn’t right. I agreed to let her do the test.

About 15 minutes later I got the worst call of my life. “Heidi, this is Scioscia’s vet, she is testing positive for Feline Leukemia.”

My heart started to race. How could this be possible? Just an hour earlier she was rubbing up on my legs begging me to give her the breakfast she so very much loved. Now she was the vet with leukemia? I felt so alone sitting in the OR waiting room. I tried to hold back tears as the vet explained in non-emotional medical terms what this meant for Scioscia…

“weak immune system….tumors”

She said it was important that they still clean Scioscia’s teeth to help clear out any bacteria. I hung up and sat numb for a moment trying to process what she had just said. I so desperately wanted Todd to be right by my side knowing what questions to ask and telling me it would be ok. Even though he was only yards away, I felt like we weren’t even on the same planet.

I called my mom and could hardly get the words “leukemia” out before the tears started to choke out. I called my sisters, both immediately said they were leaving work to come sit with me. I declined telling them by the time they got to the hospital Todd would be out of surgery.

I tried to get comfortable in the couch I had been sitting in. I suddenly felt panicked. Sitting in that waiting room, nothing seemed safe anymore. The certainty I felt that everything was going to go smoothly turned into paranoia.

“What if things are not ok with Todd in surgery? What if the leukemia makes it so Scioscia can’t handle the anesthesia? How am I going to tell Todd about Scioscia?”

I felt cold and it seemed my whole body was shaking. The seconds seemed to stretch for hours as I battled the big pit of sadness that opened in my stomach.  I tried desperately to hold back tears. Sitting in a hospital waiting room isn’t the place you want to be crying.

My fear only increased when the receptionist received call saying they needed Mrs. Jaramillo in a consultation room. I had just seen the doctor come out and talk to someone and couldn’t figure out why I needed to be in a consultation room. Sitting in the empty room I prayed for strength to just make it through the next few hours.  I am sure the relief was apparent through my red-teary eyes when the doctor told me Todd’s surgery went great and they were just stitching him up.  

“It shouldn’t be long until he is awake and you can see him.”

I waited. A half-hour passed. I waited. An hour passed, patients came with their families, the anesthesiologist grabbed lunch. Nobody came to tell me about Todd.

I thought about Scioscia and cried. I thought about telling Todd about Scioscia and cried. I thought about why Todd wasn’t out of surgery and cried. I felt completely wound up.

Finally a nurse came to tell me that the anesthesia was making Todd very sick and he still was not fully awake. I waited another half hour before I could actually go back to see him.

I held my breath as I turned the corner into Todd’s recovery room. The poor thing was completely green and his eyes were barely able to stay open. I sat with him for about 15 minutes feeding him ice chips; the truth about Scioscia was hanging over me.

“Todd, when you are more coherent I really need to tell you something”

He didn’t really process what I said. A half hour later when he started to get some color back into him and between the nurse coming and going out of his room I let it out.

“It’s about Scioscia. The vet called me and she has leukemia.”

I packed up Todd in silence. The combination of anesthesia and nausea didn’t lend for a great discussion about what our game plan was.  We loaded Todd into the Jeep; I sobbed the whole way home.

Immediately at home I started to jump into research mode. I scoured the internet for any and all information I could get about Feline Leukemia. I cried when I read about the tumors. I cried when I read how it can be spread to other cats.

I called the vet at 4:30 to tell them I was coming to pick up Scioscia. I couldn’t wait for their call. I felt like I needed her with me right then.

So here is where we stand now. There is no cure for Feline Leukemia. Scioscia will not live as long as other cats. I have accepted those truths. However, I have hope in the fact that Leukemia is not a death sentence like it used to be. By Sunday night I already had my game plan in motion and a number of holistic herbs and supplements ready to ship on Monday.  My goal is keep her immune system as strong as possible. Cats don’t actually die from the Leukemia, but from other infections that their immune systems can’t fight off. If I can keep her healthy and stress free, there is a good chance that we have a few years left with little Scioscia. The vet was actually surprised Scioscia had lived this long without proper treatment. She is my little fighter.

When I was taking my shower of Friday, God spoke to me loud and clear. (Yes, God usually talks to me when I am in the shower/tub. I think it must be the time he knows I won’t be distracted and able to pick up the message)

 “The reason I gave Scioscia to you was because she deserved the most love possible during her short time on this earth”

It was the first time I felt peace and calm the entire day. I know that loving Scioscia unconditionally is very much something Todd and I can do for her.

I will update you on how the treatment is going,

-Mrs. J

The Key To His Heart...

For Valentines I surprised Todd with is favorite food, BBQ chicken pizza. I even made my dough before work so it could rise during the afternoon. When I got home I just threw on the toppings and let it bake. For dessert I made him cream cheese swirl brownies I cut into hearts and served with ice cream and a little caramel sauce.

Here comes the bad news.

I have no pictures of our Valentines delicious dinner; I had it all planned out in my head how I would bake this delicious pizza in the shape of a heart and then wow you all with my domestic abilities. However, when making my pizza dough I just wrote down the ingredients from the blog I found it on and didn’t think to look to see if I was making one pizza crust or two, most recipes made enough for two.  I even thought all day about what I would make with the extra pizza crust. Then after I punched down my dough, and despite the screams of my cooking guardian angel, I decided that it couldn’t be enough for two pizzas. Guess what, I was very wrong. My cute little pizza heart turned in a massive puffy dough heart with sauce, cheese and chicken. Needless to say I left the camera in the case. If you want to look at pretty pictures check out Pioneer Woman’s take on the BBQ Chicken Pizza. Todd still said it was delicious and he loved it.

Then desert happened…and it looked cute…and it looked delicious…and then it tasted delicious…and then it was gone and I didn’t take a picture. Trust me it was yummy and cute.

So really I have nothing to show you about how my Valentines went, but I promise it was perfect.

Before we fell asleep last night I asked Todd if he remembered our first Valentine’s Day. He, of course, said no. So I told him the story. It was when we were still at Graceland University and Todd kept saying he wasn’t my boyfriend but still spending every single day hanging out with me and making out with me. I was still trying to convince him that he should probably wake up and see the awesomeness that would be having me as a girlfriend. I went over to his apartment while he still was in class (He let me have a key and wouldn’t call me his girlfriend, really?!) and I made him Engagement Chicken and mashed potatoes. He came home from class with a card and some daises. He told me he told the lady at the shop to give him whatever flowers were there because he didn’t want to take flowers away from people who were trying to buy roses for their girlfriends. What a romantic. I still remember what his card said though. That was when he first gave away that he really was falling for me.

It said. “Heidi, you are peach. I have had a lot of fun with you this year and hope to have more fun in the future. Love Todd” He shouldn’t have said future; it was all downhill from there.

I still have the card and some of the daises. What can I say, I have been smitten by Todd from the moment I saw him in a crowd outside an ice cream social 5 years ago.

How was your Valentine’s Day?

-Mrs.J

P.S.

That Engagement Chicken Recipe is seriously the best and the only way I roast chicken. It is so easy and such a delicious way to impress people if you are cooking for them. I ALWAYS allow extra time to roast the chicken though, the lemons inside make it not cook as fast. I recommend slicing the lemons up and still add for extra roasting time. Sometimes chickens just don’t want to roast.

Time for a

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I know I should probably write about how much I love my husband, I do and I will recap our weekend and Valentine’s Day coming up, but I wanted to write today about another very important Valentine that Todd and I have in our life; our beautiful baby girl Scioscia Michelle Jaramillo. (Yes, we give our cats middle names, deal with it.)

I can hear everyone now, moaning and groaning “we get it Heidi, you love your cats. We are thankful that Todd married you and saved you from a life of collecting cats and an inevitable episode of Animal Hoarders.”  Just bear with me. Valentines is now forever in my mind the anniversary of when Todd and I adopted Scioscia.

 Last year Todd and I decided that we needed to find a little friend for Nunu who was lonely after she moved out to Queen Creek and went from having one loving dog and one spastic cat as company to having nobody. We felt sorry for her home alone all day and thought she would like a little company. We started scouring Pet Finder and even found a little kitten that we thought would be the one. We called and called and nobody would call us back! Even though Todd was pretty bummed I convinced him to go to PetSmart on Valentine’s Day because they were having a weekend long adopt-a-thon.  That was when I first set eyes on Scioscia.

Originally I was looking at the other cat in the cage with her and really trying to get it to like me because it looked more like what Todd wanted. However Scioscia, who was named Keila at the time, would not stop rubbing on my hands, purring and just in general being the most loving adorable cat ever, even though she had a little bit of a gremlin face. Todd knew I was attached the moment I picked her up and even though I ho and hummed it, he said he knew we were taking her home. She has been a perfect cat for the last year. It is funny because even though I was the one who originally fell in love with her, she is such a Daddy’s girl it is ridiculous.

The amount of love that Scioscia gives Todd and me is just incredible. We come home, she purrs. We wake up in the morning, it is like she never thought she was going to see you awake again. You give her breakfast; it is like you just gave her the meal of a lifetime. You walk out of room and come back in; it is like she thought you had left forever. She really is so loving and you can’t help wonder why she would be. How can something that was abandoned be full of such love?

Scioscia is a rescue cat. She was the smallest out of a litter of cats that was given up alongside their mother after they were born. Everyone was adopted except for little Scioscia. Anybody else would be bitter but, this is the most amazing thing about rescue pets, they never stop giving up hope that there is a family out there for them who will love them unconditionally. When they find that family, they give every ounce of their being into being loyal and loving. I see it in Nunu and I see it in Scioscia; they just want your love and they will give you the world.

I hope that next time you are looking to adopt a pet you might start out by looking at rescue pets; some animals like Scioscia who never even got the chance at a home and some animals like Scioscia’s mom who were given up by what should have been a forever family. I am so grateful for the rescue organization that took care of Scioscia and the foster mother who raised her for the first 7 months of her life. These organizations are angels to pets in need and we should all be thankful for the work they do. Also, please, please, please spay and neuter your animals. There are so many innocent pets out there that are put down because of pet overpopulation.  

Tonight I am going to be giving my Scioscia and Nunu extra love, although I don’t know if that is possible!

-Mrs. J

You need to know about...

If you haven't figured it out yet, I am little obsessed with my cats. I can't help it really, ever since I was a child I have just loved cats. Nothing turns me into this little girl again:

 like seeing a little kitty running around. I seriously can't help it.

I know I talk about our little kitty Scioscia a bunch and I really think you need to know the story of Nunu because if you ever meet her, you will instantly fall in love. Even my sister Laura who has been a dog person from day one has a sweet spot for Nunu. She has the best kitty spirit I think I have ever known. I will always maintain  Nunu and I were destined to be together. I think we are kindred spirits and needed to spend some time on is earth together.

 Before I married Todd, I lived my sisters. One day the absolute worst neighbors moved into our cul-de-sac. It was a blended family of a boyfriend/girlfriend and their children from previous relationships. The kids ran around crazy and unsupervised; many a day I ran outside, broke up their fight and sent them home, I have to say it was good practice for my future mom-voice. The dad spent a lot of his time drinking beer and blaring country music in the front yard. Probably the breaking point with this new neighbor was when a man living with them came outside drunk and yelled some really racist things at our next door neighbor who we all loved. Needless to say, this family was a little bit of a rough crowd and this was the first family that Nunu ever knew. She was a gift from the biological mother of one of the children that lived in the house. They named her Angel. At first Nunu was allowed to be inside, then the dad's friend who was living with the family (Mr. Racist Pants) decided he didn't like the cat, I am guessing Nunu probably decided she didn't like him either, and she was soon kicked out of the house. They even stopped giving her food and water. I really don't know how they thought she would survive.

I remember the exact day I first met Nunu. I was walking out to get the mail when I spotted this adorable grey little fluffy things walking across the cul-de-sac. Remember that little girl you saw in the top photo? Yeah, I revert to that girl so often. I of course had to call this little kitty over, I used my loving cat calls I would use to call my sister's cat Coco, "Here kitty kitty, my little nunie-nunie head." If you have pets you understand that. Nunu looked at me and without any hesitation came trotting over. She started purring when I pet her, I was immediately smitten. Our relationship continued this way for a couple weeks. She would come over to me anytime I was outside in the front yard. Once when I was outside and she was sitting with me, the little girl from across the street came over. "Do you know whose kitty this is?" I asked her. "Oh yeah, that is our cat Angel. She can't come inside anymore because my dad's friend doesn't like her." Then without any concern for what should be her cat, she ran off and started playing. My my heart broke for Nunu. I decided I would start putting out food and water for her, but she had to stay an outside cat. She had gotten use to my cat calls and would come whenever I would call out "Nunu," so the name kind of stuck. I hadn't been looking to adopt a cat and still being on the parental unit's dime, I couldn't really just decide to take on the responsibility. After my mom came for a visit and met Nunu, we found a place in Phoenix that would spay and neuter feral cats. If you notice Nunu has the top of her right ear cut off, this what the clinic did to identify her as fixed. This way if she were to be picked up by Animal Control they would release her back into the neighborhood since she was really not a problem if she wouldn't be having any kittens. It seemed that we had a good thing going, Nunu was my happy outside kitty. Then winter came.

I could tell that Nunu was getting really lonely. She made friends with another little kitty that I was feeding and had gotten fixed, I called her Tiggs. Tiggs was very shy and never let me touch her, she would just follow Nunu around and sit near me when I was outside but was never brave enough to let me touch her. One day Tiggs disappeared. I am not sure what happened to her, she just stopped coming around. This really made Nunu sad. She started spending all of her time outside our house. I would spend as much time as I could with her. When it got cold, Todd and I bought her a kitty bed and rug that she could sleep in outside. Every night I came home she would be curled up in her bed. Then came the tipping point. One day I was home alone and felt very sorry for little Nunu. I could see her sitting outside the house looking lonely. I decided to just let her come spend a little time with me inside while I was watching TV...the next day I started to let her spend a little more time...then a few days later I brought her bed inside to sleep in during cold night. Since she had spent the start of her life as an inside kitty, it was easy for her to go back to using a litter box. Then Nunu watched our dog Emma use the doggy door, all bets were off and Nunu moved herslef in the next day. For a long time Nunu was very desperate for attention. Anytime you were sitting down she would run over and curl up in your lap, purring her heart out. Even when she was sleeping next to you she liked to put one paw on you, just to make sure you weren't leaving her. It was as if she worried you would abandon her any minute and she would be out on the street again.

That of course never happened. Nunu was such a good kitty who followed all the rules so easily that my sister never really objected to Nunu moving in. My mom was so smitten by her loving personality that we knew we just couldn't throw her back in the street. This cat really went from homeless to the lap of luxury.

I had always been a person who would adopt a rescue before anything else, but I never really felt like an advocate for it until I met Nunu. Here was this kitty who wanted nothing more than to be unconditionally loved by a family. Her little kitty spirit really inspired to me want to help out other pets. I even chose my senior PR internship with a rescue group because of Nunu. I am just so glad serendipity meant that Nunu and I would meet. She really deserves all of the love that she gets because she gives so much in return. Since Nunu didn't get the prettiest name I decided to giver her the middle name Bella because it means beautiful.

-Mrs.J

For better or worse, in sickness and health….

I am really calling in the vows on that last part. If you are our Facebook friend, you recently have been lucky enough to be delighted to the imagery that is the olive oil burn…
About a week ago I was preparing what would have been a delightful dinner of fried rice. The carrots and celery were chopped, rice pre-cooked and the chicken marinated. All I needed to do was throw it all together in a pan. I started heating up some olive oil so I could cook the chicken before adding in the rest of ingredients. No big deal, this must have been the millionth time of cooking chicken this way. Somewhere between time 999,000 and 1,000,000 I must have lost it though because I ended up spilling hot oil all over my hand. The whole hand. From wrist to knuckle. Needless to say there was screaming, crying and I think I mildly went into shock. Wouldn’t you? Look at this?

To make a long story short, and to save from any more unsightly photos, let me just say for the last week I have been unable to do anything with my left hand. This is making me very unhappy. See, this whole time I have felt my contribution to our marriage right now is the cooking, cleaning and all that fun home stuff. Since I am working at finding a big-girl job, I haven’t been bringing anything to the table financially. Taking care of the house is my way of helping ease the stress on Todd. It has been really tough for the last week not being able to do as much as I want to and depending on Todd pick up the slack. He has been handling it like a champ though. On Tuesday he even had to wash my hair for me and he did it with love and compassion.

It is funny how when you get married and you say your vows you think they are really only for the huge things in life; finances, children, cancer. You forget about all the small every day things that you are committing to when you stand there and promise these things together.  It’s a promise to love each other even when your wife’s hand looks like something out of a horror movie and she can’t open a bottle or squeeze the jelly onto her toast. It’s the fact that you will turn off whatever TV show you were watching to come upstairs and help her wash her hair, even condition it to make sure all the tangles are out… and feel happy about doing it.

It is in these small times when we are able to really pull together as a team or when I am able to lean on Todd because I am a little weak that I know we will be able to make it through whatever life can throw at us. That is a pretty incredible feeling.
Hope I can heal soon,
-Heidi