Four years down, a lifetime of happiness to go!

So my anniversary post is a little late. Our actual anniversary is the 16th and I sat down to blog about it, but then Hudson cried all the time while switching reflux meds, guests came to visit and at some point I had to take a shower. Now I have a baby who is sleeping in a swing and two free hands to type so I can finally write my love letter to my amazing husband. This last year of marriage had our highest point so far (the birth of Hudson) but it also had the hardest and lowest point of marriage so far, the loss of our first pregnancy. It's amazing how much life can change in a year.

I sat down many times last year to try and blog about the misscarriage. I thought it would be therapeutic to sit down and journal it, but the words just never seemed to come to me. I don't know if there is a way to really convey how you go from such joy to such sadness in a matter of minutes. I couldn't describe how it felt the day we went into our ultrasound and held our breathe as the tech tried to find the heartbeat we had heard just a week before. I couldn't write how it felt to get our families to spend Christmas together and surprise them with our pregnancy only to call them a week later and say there would be no grandbaby in August. I couldn't explain the pain, both physically and emotionally, the night we had to go to ER and how unprepared our OB had made us for what happens when you actually lose your baby. But probably the hardest part about it was telling people who didn't even know you're pregnant that you had a miscarriage. Really the blog post would be "This sucks and I cry a lot."

You are probably wondering why I would start an anniversary post with this sad story, it's because even though it was the hardest thing I have experienced, it truly solidified why I married Todd. The amount of love and support he gave me during those weeks of anguish were amazing. I don't know if I could have recovered if I didn't have him in my life. The nights that I would lay in bed and cry, he held me and told me every thing would be ok. The moments when I felt betrayed by my body because it didn't bring a baby full term, he told me over and over again how it wasn't my fault. When we talked about trying again, he only wanted to make sure I was ready. Even though he had lost a child as well, all of his energy went into making sure I was ok. When we got pregnant again and I was so stressed during those first 12 weeks, he listened to my paranoia without rollng his eyes. He was my rock. 

I think when it comes to marraige, everyone gages what their relationship is like based on all the good times, when it's really the tough times that count. How do you treat each other in times of crisis? When we lost our baby we both were heartbroken, but we came together to heal. We found comfort and solace in one anonther. Our marriage is 90% easy breezey, 10% tough times and I never want it to be 100% perfect because it's during that 10% that we grow and on the other side of it become better together.

So Todd, thank you so much for this life and adventure you have given me.

You made me your girlfriend...

Your fiance...

Your wife...

Your best friend...

and the best role of my life so far, you made me the mother of your child.

I love you and cheers to lifetime more of happiness and love.

-Mrs. J

Baby Book Review: "On Becoming Baby Wise" by Gary Ezzo

One of the first parenting baby books I read was Baby Wise. If you have had a baby in the last few years, I am sure you have heard of it. It was recommended to us by one of Todd's friends who had great success with their new baby who was sleeping through the night at 8 weeks old. I was ecstatic about the thought of only losing sleep for 8 weeks and ordered it off Amazon while I was 7 months pregnant.

The reviews on Amazon were overwhelmingly positive and I could not wait to read this miracle book. It seemed like the negative reviews were parents who fell more on the "attachment parenting" side of the spectrum. When I finally got the book, I loved it! I probably read the entire thing in a week. It made so much sense to me!

Ezzo uses a model of eat-activity-sleep to base a schedule of your day around. His theory is that babies who follow an activity-eat-sleep model become snackers and are not getting fulfilling feedings, therefore they won't go for long sleep times. You create a schedule around your baby's feeding and sleeping, as a newborn they are usually 2-3 hour incriminates, that as the baby gets older start to mold together creating an all night sleep and then naps during the day. Even typing this now it makes perfect sense to me, as kids and adults our days are eat-activity-sleep. So starting this as a baby would make it a smoother transition as they grow up. Ezzo is also against creating sleep crutches such as co-sleeping, rocking your baby to sleep and nursing to sleep. The Sleep Wise baby wakes up, has a nice feeding, plays a little and the blissfully drifts off to sleep.

So here is what I think about this book after having Hudson, I truly believe you have to have a baby with a certain disposition for this to work for you. If you have a "high needs" or "spirited" baby (both ways I have read babies like Hudson described) it won't work for you. I am not the only one either. While scouring the web trying to find resources on helping Hudson sleep, I found many mommy blogs who swore by Baby Wise for their babies until one came along who just could not be molded. Styleberry has my favorite blog post on the whole thing and made me feel better about my own Baby Wise fail.

Hudson is going to have sleep crutches, I have accepted that, but Hudson is not the type of baby that you can read their sleep cues and then put them down to self soothe. First off, I couldn't even put him down for the first 2 1/2 weeks of his life and second Hudson doesn't even have sleep cues, he goes from being happy and content to complete mental breakdown. This kid wakes up mad because there isn't a boob in his mouth by the time he starts to stir. If you think that I am going wake a baby up from my breast that has just cried for 45 minutes straight just so they can have an activity (probably me walking them around while they cry) you my friend are crazy. I rock this baby to sleep, I nurse this baby to sleep and I pull this baby into bed at 4 am and throw him on my breast so I can sleep for an extra hour or so. 

All in all I really did like to book and I am not saying it will never work for us. During the day I try to follow the eat-activity-sleep but forget it at night. I take the path of least resistance, which is very un-wise in Baby a Wise world. I have come to terms with the fact Hudson won't sleep throught the night for a while, but he has certain needs that have to met right now. It truly is his world Todd and I just live in it. When he gets a little older and can regulate his emotions a little better, we might circle back and try it again. 

The book opens up with this description of the opposite of a Baby Wise mom. She nurses they baby to sleep in a dark room then slowly creeps into the nursery and very carefully lays the baby down, taking extra care to not move away too quickly. Ezzo actually says "poor mother" while describing her. Last night as I stood over Hudson's bassinet after rocking him for an hour and gave it a few rocks so he wouldn't think I put him down yet, I had a little chuckle, I did complete something in that book...I am the Baby Wise fail!

Excuse this terrible photo (I took it on my Ipad in a dark room while blogging this) but here is a prime example of a baby who fell asleep at 3 am while nursing and I am not about to wake him up

So tell me, did you have any luck with Baby Wise?

-Mrs.J 

"At Least We're Not The Slim Jim Parents" - Hudson At One Month

So technically as of today Hudson is 5 weeks, 1 day old. I had the best intentions to get this up while he was still one month old, however last week was pretty tough including switching Hudson's reflux medicine, a hunger strike and a majorly clogged milk duct so I did not have any computer time.

Leaving the hospital

Here we are, one month into parenthood and all I can say is "at least we're not the Slim Jim parents." (Keep reading for that to make sense)  Having a newborn is an experience that NOTHING can prepare you for. I had this grand idea of what my first month of motherhood was going to be like including; my baby will sleep all day long (wrong) I will just put my baby in hiss cozy little bassinet and he will be content (double wrong) my baby will just cry when he needs a diaper change or is hungry (TRIPLE WRONG)

First off, Hudson has acid reflux. It's pretty common for newborn babies and most babies are not bothered by it and eventually grow out it. This was not the case for Hudson. Even before we left the hospital Hudson would just scream and cry all night long. Todd and I could not figure out what was wrong with him. I would sit there in the room trying to calm him down and just imagine the nurses outside my door shaking their heads at my parenting. I just pictured them saying to each other "That poor baby, those people don't know what they are doing!"

Typical Hudson face

When we brought him home it didn't get any better. There were times when you just could not calm this baby down.  There were so many times I would look at Hudson, his face so red from screaming and I would just say "I am so sorry you stuck with the new parents who have no idea what their doing" It killed me to not be able to soothe what was hurting my baby.

 The only thing that would get him to stop crying was to nurse. Since his crying usually peaked in the evening, I spent most of 4-9 pm during the first two weeks nursing non-stop. Luckily Todd's mom came out to meet Hudson and right away said "it looks like he has reflux." Todd had it really badly as a baby so she had some experience with it. I made an appointment with the the pediatrician and we worked out treatment plan including Zantac for Hudson and me cutting all dairy out of my diet...the one thing I was hoping I would never have to do. It is still a work in progress and I wish I could say today we are 100% fine, but reflux deserves its own post.

Hudson enjoys the superbaby hold aka colic hold

 Hudson also refused to sleep in his bassinet for the first weeks of life. He would only sleep if I held him in my arms, including naps. During those first few couple weeks I was lucky to get 15 minutes hands free to take a quick shower. At night I would wrap myself up in my Snoogle maternity pillow so I wouldn't fall over on him during the night. I did not have any solid sleep because I was so paranoid I would smother my baby. Today he is sleeping in a bassinet next to our bed, but it was a very slow process. I scoured books, blogs and movies to find some advice on helping your baby sleep, also deserving of its own blog post.

These moments make it all worth the sleepless nights!

Even though they were an incredibly rough first four weeks, I can't imagine my life without my little man. There were moments that just melted my heart; rocking him to sleep while singing him a song, the way he puts one hand on my chest while he sleeps in my arms, the way he bunches his little hands up into fists when he first starts to nurse, his hiccups...he is my greatest accomplishment.

I have also learned I am not as incompetent of a parent as I feel. I have loved putting statuses on Facebook about what I think are parenting fails only to see so many of friends and family went through the exact same thing. During one midnight feeding where I was rocking to him to sleep and thinking how I am creating a sleep crutch that will mean Hudson will have to be rocked to sleep until he is in high school, I posted a status asking if anyone really does sleep training at night. I had so many comments saying "I still rock my baby" or "We love co-sleeping" or "My baby didn't still through the night until he was 1." It made me feel so much better about my own struggles between trying to do what the "experts" say and doing what I know works for my baby. I am constantly having to remind myself that when it comes to Hudson, I am the expert. I am the one who will know what works for him and even if it goes against the "rules" if it makes him happy and keeps him healthy, I am doing it!

Funny guy!

At our one month appointment our pediatrician was going over the regular questions about Hudson health and he asked "no juice right?" I looked at him like he was crazy. Of course I am not giving my newborn baby juice! I told him "No, of course not. I didn't think were supposed to introduce anything like until like 6 months" He said "You would be surprised, I think the worst thing I saw was when I lived in North Carolina and some parents gave their 4 month old baby a Slim Jim to teethe on." So now when ever I feel like I am failing as a parent because I am not sleep training Hudson or that after I change his diaper in public I give him a little squirt of his Colic Calm because he likes the flavor so he won't scream when I walk out the bathroom or that I once nursed him for 2 hours so Todd and I could watch a movie in silence, I always tell myself "At least we're not the parents with the Slim Jim"

Hudson's One Month Stats:

-He weighs 7 pounds 13.5 ounces
-21 inches long
-Still wearing newborn clothes, I was so hesitant to buy any newborn stuff because I was told he would only wear it for a week. His 0-3 month clothes are so big one him! Poor guy has to rotate the same 7 rompers.
-Average stretch of sleep is 2 hours during the day and 3 hours at night

Hudson's One Month Highlights

-His first Christmas at Nana and Pop Pop's house. He loved sitting by the fire.

-Meeting his Grandma and Grandpa

-Meeting his Great Grandma McLarty

-Bath time! Hudson loves soaking in the warm water.

I just have so much love for this little guy!

-Mrs. J

New Years Resolution / Hudson's Birth Story

Is it really 2014 already? It seems like just yesterday we were ringing in 2013. My blogging has for sure suffered over the last couple years. My last post updated where we had been over the year and announced we would be expecting a new addition to our family in December. Well guess what, it's now January 2014 and my new addition is now 1 month old and currently snoozing away in a baby sling. Please meet Hudson Owen Jaramillo, born December 4, 2013.

I really wasn't going to have a New Year's Resolution this year, but today I was thinking about how I couldn't believe Hudson is 1 month old. Which is really funny because during those first few weeks Todd and I would say to each other "has he really only been home for 2 weeks now? It feels like months!" You really lose your sense of time when your days and nights all blend together. Now that things have (somewhat) calmed down as we pass the 4 week mark, I have a few (very brief) moments of which I have two hands and can do a little something for myself. The other day I was looking through Facebook and saw that a friend had posted their New Year's Resolution was to take more pictures, I thought "that's a good one" and then remembered our long lost ghost child of a blog. So my 2014 resolution is going to be to document our lives better. I know that with a newborn the days can seem long (and let's not even talk about the nights) but in 11 months we are going to be putting up Christmas decorations and planning a first birthday party and I am going to say "what happened to my little baby?"

So without further adieu, the first blog post of 2014 is Hudson's birth story:

Hudson was born at 9:28 AM on December 4th, it was a Wednesday  morning. To say that he surprised us with his arrival would be an understatement. I really had no idea that I was even close to going into labor. That Monday I had some Braxton Hicks contractions, but they didn't stay consistent, weren't painful and totally stopped Monday night. Tuesday, the day I went into labor I didn't even feel practice contractions.

Todd and I had driven separately to work that day, we usually carpool but since he had to go to court for work we decided to just drive our own cars. I got home at about 5 PM and decided I was too hungry to wait for Todd. Thanksgiving had just happened so I made myself a nice big plate of turkey, mashed potatoes and green been casserole. While waiting for my food to cook, I decided to take a belly photo to show off my lovely belly hanging over my pajama pants and sticking out of my shirt. Little did I know, this would be the last belly photo I would take. 

Ready to pop

I devoured my food and was just finishing up when Todd got home at about 6:30 He made a quick work phone call and was just sitting down to watch some TV when I stood up from the table to stretch out and POP...my water broke. At first I just kind of stood there dumbfounded before I called over to Todd "I think my water just broke." When the fluid didn't stop leaking I knew for sure it was time to go to the hospital. We ran around the house throwing a few more things into our bags and off to hospital we went.

The entire drive over there we both were just kind of in shock, we kept saying to each other "I can't believe this really happening." During this I finally started to feel some contractions, nothing too painful but I could tell this baby was for sure making his way out. We got to the hospital at about 8 pm. We were supposed to check in through then ER but Todd accidentally parked over by the outpatient services. We of course didn't realize until we were up to the doors, but I was not about to walk back to the car leaking the entire way and instead just waddled myself down to the ER entrance while Todd moved the car. When we walked in the lady at the registration desk said "is it time?" Then called out "we have a maternity down here!"

Our first stop on the maternity ward was the triage area. We actually were very lucky that my water broke that night because you automatically get admitted when your water breaks and it was a full house at the hospital that night. Every room was full but we got to jump to the front of the line. We hung out in triage for about 30 minutes and during that time my contractions started to get really strong and pretty close together.

 I would also like to note that triage was the only time I moderately snapped at Todd. He was helping me breathe through some contractions and his breathes just happened to be really close to my face. I very nicely said he was breathing on me and to please stop...Todd remembers this a little differently. If you ask him, I yelled it.

By the time we were admitted into our room, the contractions started to come on really strong. My first labor and delivery nurse that had been working with us in triage said "the smile you had in triage is gone." This where I got my first lesson about motherhood: Nothing will go according to your plan. In the weeks before labor, Todd and I had tried to make everything perfect. We made checklists for our hospital bag and wrote up a labor and delivery plan. When we showed the plan to our first nurse (of course we had to do it on a cell phone because we thought had more time before birth and kept revising the plan and neither of us actually had printed out a copy) she had the unfortunate job of explaining to me that when you water breaks, your labor plan really goes out the window. This meant no walking around, no soaking in the hospital tubs (one of the main reasons we chose that hospital) and I probably would have to get Pitocin because we were on a little bit of a time crunch since I was more prone to infection. 

Even though my delivery was going to be completely different from what I pumped myself up for, the most important thing was that Hudson would be born healthy. I didn't dwell or argue with the nurse, but decided to roll with the punches and stay positive.

Before the epidural

I made it to about 5 cm dilated before I decided that I couldn't hang and asked the nurse for an epidural. In the past I had really wanted to be all natural with my birth but a few things changed my mind. The first was that the nurse had told me I would probably have to get Pitocin and that is extremely painful to go without an epidural. The second was that about 5cm dilated I started to get the shakes really badly. In our labor and delivery class, the nurses told us that you really can get an epidural as long as you are able to control yourself enough to sit still through contractions while the anesthesiologist did his thing. I could feel myself slipping over into the uncontrollable side of things and knew it was now or never.

Our nurse was fantastic and even was able to jump me ahead of another lady to get my epidural. I have to say, it was amazing. The anesthesiologist who did was so great, I only felt a small pinprick and then ahhhh heaven. Once you get the epidural you get something called a peanut ball, it's a Yoga ball but looks like a peanut, and you rotate from side to side. 

The rotating was the only stressful part about labor. Hudson is a very particular baby, he would get comfortable on one side and when I switched sides he would freak out and I would have to take really long slow breathes until he would acclimate. The only time I had to take oxygen was right after the epidural when I tried to lay on my right side and Hudson was not having any of it. Even with the oxygen and breathing I had to switch sides because his heart rate would just not cooperate. Like I said, Hudson is a VERY particular baby.

After the epidural, zonked out!

After the epidural I would just nap and the rotate sides about every 2 hours. The nurse kept coming in to check me and at one point said they were going to start Pitocin if I didn't keep dilating, she came back about and hour later and luckily I kept trucking right along. I never had to get the Pitocin. I was very lucky that my body just kept on dilating and moving right along. I think it might have been because until we got closer to actually delivering Hudson, I didn't take any extra doses of the epidural. I just let the machine medicate me so I never was too numb. 

At about 7:45 am my nurse came in to check on me and said that I was completely dilated and 100% effaced, however Hudson was not facing the right way and still needed to work his way down the birth canal. She said they were going to have me "labor down" for about an hour and to not take any more extra hits of the epidural so I would be able to feel when it came time to push. Let me tell you, this nurse was amazing. She seriously knew exactly what she was talking about. I would have her deliver all my babies.

Around 8:50 am my nurse came in and told me we were just going to practice doing some pushes. She seemed really nonchalant about the whole thing and just said she wanted Todd to practice bracing me and me practice pushing so we would be ready for the real deal. We did the practice pushes for about 15 minutes until I got the hang of it and I was able to feel my body telling me when it was time to push. I kept doing what I thought were practice pushes until my nurse told me the next time I pushed to reach down and feel. It was the most amazing moment to reach down and be able to feel my baby's head starting to work its way out. I don't know what it triggered in me, but it made the whole thing seem real and the prospect of finally meeting our son so close. It was like I had some kind of mommy super strength and after a few more pushes the nurse said "I am just going to get a few things ready." 

Now I was prepared to push for at least one hour so I still didn't think we were doing anything other than practice pushes. A few more pushes later and the nurse is on her pager calling the doctor down. Before I knew it the doctor and two more nurses came into the room and we were delivering our baby. I don't remember feeling any pain as I was pushing, just sheer determination and some pressure. After a total of 35 minutes of pushing everyone told me to stop and our baby literally popped out.

At 9:28 am Hudson Owen Jaramillo made his entrance to the world. He came out screaming, latched right on the boob and them promptly pooped all over me.  I look back at these photos and I still get teary eyed. I don't think there are any words that can describe how this moment felt. Hearing Hudson's cry for the first time and seeing his perfect face...I am at a loss of words. I don't know if there is any time in your life when you meet someone for the first time and automatically can't imagine life without them. 

I have to say, I had a very easy labor and delivery, which I guess makes up for how hard our first month of parenting as been, but more on that in another post. We were in labor for only about 10 hours, most of which I slept for, and I only had to push for 35 minutes. I think a big part of it was because the hospital staff were so amazing. From my first nurse who had to break the bad news about ditching our birth plan to the nurse who helped me with our "practice pushes" everyone was so kind and made me feel empowered about childbirth. My experience was not what I had expected (honestly it was better) but at the end of it we have a beautiful healthy baby boy who we just adore. 

 So there you go, first (hopefully on many) post of 2014. I am very excited to journal this first year of motherhood. Hudson is already a month old and I feel like I already have a million things to blog about. 

Cheers to a new year!

-Mrs.J