House of Jaramillo: Four years down, a lifetime of happiness to go!

So my anniversary post is a little late. Our actual anniversary is the 16th and I sat down to blog about it, but then Hudson cried all the time while switching reflux meds, guests came to visit and at some point I had to take a shower. Now I have a baby who is sleeping in a swing and two free hands to type so I can finally write my love letter to my amazing husband. This last year of marriage had our highest point so far (the birth of Hudson) but it also had the hardest and lowest point of marriage so far, the loss of our first pregnancy. It's amazing how much life can change in a year.

I sat down many times last year to try and blog about the misscarriage. I thought it would be therapeutic to sit down and journal it, but the words just never seemed to come to me. I don't know if there is a way to really convey how you go from such joy to such sadness in a matter of minutes. I couldn't describe how it felt the day we went into our ultrasound and held our breathe as the tech tried to find the heartbeat we had heard just a week before. I couldn't write how it felt to get our families to spend Christmas together and surprise them with our pregnancy only to call them a week later and say there would be no grandbaby in August. I couldn't explain the pain, both physically and emotionally, the night we had to go to ER and how unprepared our OB had made us for what happens when you actually lose your baby. But probably the hardest part about it was telling people who didn't even know you're pregnant that you had a miscarriage. Really the blog post would be "This sucks and I cry a lot."

You are probably wondering why I would start an anniversary post with this sad story, it's because even though it was the hardest thing I have experienced, it truly solidified why I married Todd. The amount of love and support he gave me during those weeks of anguish were amazing. I don't know if I could have recovered if I didn't have him in my life. The nights that I would lay in bed and cry, he held me and told me every thing would be ok. The moments when I felt betrayed by my body because it didn't bring a baby full term, he told me over and over again how it wasn't my fault. When we talked about trying again, he only wanted to make sure I was ready. Even though he had lost a child as well, all of his energy went into making sure I was ok. When we got pregnant again and I was so stressed during those first 12 weeks, he listened to my paranoia without rollng his eyes. He was my rock.

I think when it comes to marraige, everyone gages what their relationship is like based on all the good times, when it's really the tough times that count. How do you treat each other in times of crisis? When we lost our baby we both were heartbroken, but we came together to heal. We found comfort and solace in one anonther. Our marriage is 90% easy breezey, 10% tough times and I never want it to be 100% perfect because it's during that 10% that we grow and on the other side of it become better together.

So Todd, thank you so much for this life and adventure you have given me.

You made me your girlfriend...